Are all gay men just superficial disco bunnies with only one thing on their minds? The mass media would certainly have you believe that is so, and with figure heads such as Boy George and Julian Clary , who can blame the public for going along with this idea. Of course, straight acting gay men are just harder to detect. So homophobes continue with their prejudices and the 21st century, thinking gay man gets very lonely wondering where all the men like him are! How, then, do intelligent professional gay men meet each other? There are thousands of clubs and pubs, dating agencies and personal ads for cruising purposes, but it can be extremely difficult to meet professional gay friends for purely social purposes, where a deeper relationship may develop. This is where the gay dining club comes to the rescue. I recently tried Out & Out, London’s longest established dining club for professional gay men and was amazed at how civilized an evening with 40 gay men could be.
Out & Out was started by the disarmingly charming and truly scrumptious Julia Melinek. Eleven years ago, opera singer Julia (she’s sung Madam Butterfly for English National Opera) and fellow warbler, Mark Glanville (more recently the author of best – selling book The Goldberg Variations) realised that they were so good at organising dinner parties for gay colleagues that they might as well do it professionally. As Out & Out, they booked a stand at a Gay lifestyle exhibition at Earl’s Court and pretty much became an instant success. Today they’re the biggest dining club for professional gay men in the UK, with a membership that sometimes hits a thousand. They are not just another gay dating service in London. Through the gay dining club format, members can meet new friends, network professionally and chat without any of the posing and cruising obligations of the scene.
How did they do it? Professional fag hag (it’s her description) Julia reckons that, as far as social skills are concerned, ‘’you’re born that way.’’ But she likens her table – hopping duties at Out & Out functions to those of the circus plate spinner, forever dashing to give the plate at the end another twirl. Having seen her in action, I can confirm that, like the guy with the plates, she performs apparently effortlessly. But what is it with Julia and gay men? ‘’There’s a special relationship between straight women and gay men,’’ she explains. ‘’It’s like the girlie friendship, opposite sexes getting on with each other without the sexual tension.’’ The personal touch extends to communications with the Out & Out office. There are no mail-shots. Julia and Mark can spend eight hours a day on the phone, telling members about upcoming lunches and dinners, plus other events including theatre visits, foreign trips and boat cruises. Clearly the label ‘Gay Dining Club’ only reveals part of the picture as members use the club for professional networking purposes, expanding their social horizons, debates, message posting and of course, inevitably, for gay dating.
But, ultimately, is it all about sex? Surprisingly, no. ‘’It’s far less a sexual thing than the scene,’’ says Julia. I accepted an invitation to the gallery bar of the Cross Keys, a beautiful old pub in Chelsea, where Out & Out celebrated Valentine’s Day. The mix of men was much as Julia had described, all ages, classes and races, but ‘’the common denominator is intelligence, those who enjoy a dinner party atmosphere as opposed to posing and cruising.’’
After a 17 year relationship broke up, lawyer David T found it very difficult to ‘’let loose’’ again. ‘’In the bars I was very conscious of being older,’’ he told me, ‘’but here, as you can see, the age range is very wide.’’ At Out & Out he has made a lot of gay friends, some men he now sees independently. What about romance? None as yet. David feels that Out & Out is primarily a social group. But then I met David L and William R who have been together for three years after meeting at an Out & Out function. ‘’Jules is very good at judging,‘’ said David. ‘’She sits people next to each other if she thinks they’re going to get on. With us, she got it right.’’ ‘’I didn’t want a gay dating agency when I joined Out and Out,’’ said William ‘’I was far more interested in networking with professional gay men and meeting new friends….but then I met David, and the rest is history!’’
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Global swinging etiquette at swinger dating clubs
Swinging is interaction between couples for sex. It is also termed as lifestyle. Though not many couple subscribe to this lifestyle but any way the numbers appear quite sizeable if you count the numbers of swinger site that are being published on the Internet.
This lifestyle is attracting more and more couples and even some single dating women and men who are accepted by some couples for sexual liaison. The entry to swinger sex groups is not as easy as a newbie swinger couple soon finds out. Though wife swapping does takes place in private houses it most often takes place in a swinger dating club and in swingers party.
Finding a right swinger dating club is very difficult as many of them are very closeted and private. Some favor only elites. You should first try those clubs, which let you watch so that you can make sure that whether you wish to a part of wife swapping or group sex orgy lifestyle.
First thing to learn while entering swinging in a dating club is the swingers etiquette.
Which are outlined as below?
Dress in a proper manner and decently. Most clubs have rules and regulation that has a dress code - follow it. Do not stare or ogle at others or try to butt into a group. Remember within a club there are closed circles which allow entry to newbie only if they appear compatibly.
Abusive foul mouthed or sexually intoned lingo is not welcome in any club or parties. If you prefer this then you will have to form your own group that entertains such language.
Always be courteous to those you start to swing with or even consider swinging with. They may also be novice, struggling with their own insecurity and anxiety while entering a new domain.
Respect the limits and feelings of other couples. If you notice that a couple in swinging with you is uneasy with the proceedings, stop and let them decide whether to continue or not.
If you are not interested in a particular swinging situation with group, or for some reason you decide to change your mind, you have every right to say no, but try not to give an explanation unless completely necessary. Stressing out the reason could hurt them
Safe sex is the best sex. So keep condoms with you on hand and use it always. What ever the activity may be and even if the participants desire to engage in sex without condoms. Else, leave the group immediately.
Drinking in a swinging situation can sometimes decrease inhibitions, but heavy drinking can affect your sexual performance.
Stay away from drugs, as swinger couples do not usually favor them. Of course, to each his own – you might want to ask before deciding on a course of action.
After any swinging session, even if it was not what you'd hoped for or even if very enjoyable, call the couples involved the next day and thank them. This will leave a good impression in their minds, which could help you be invited back and/or referred to friends.
This lifestyle is attracting more and more couples and even some single dating women and men who are accepted by some couples for sexual liaison. The entry to swinger sex groups is not as easy as a newbie swinger couple soon finds out. Though wife swapping does takes place in private houses it most often takes place in a swinger dating club and in swingers party.
Finding a right swinger dating club is very difficult as many of them are very closeted and private. Some favor only elites. You should first try those clubs, which let you watch so that you can make sure that whether you wish to a part of wife swapping or group sex orgy lifestyle.
First thing to learn while entering swinging in a dating club is the swingers etiquette.
Which are outlined as below?
Dress in a proper manner and decently. Most clubs have rules and regulation that has a dress code - follow it. Do not stare or ogle at others or try to butt into a group. Remember within a club there are closed circles which allow entry to newbie only if they appear compatibly.
Abusive foul mouthed or sexually intoned lingo is not welcome in any club or parties. If you prefer this then you will have to form your own group that entertains such language.
Always be courteous to those you start to swing with or even consider swinging with. They may also be novice, struggling with their own insecurity and anxiety while entering a new domain.
Respect the limits and feelings of other couples. If you notice that a couple in swinging with you is uneasy with the proceedings, stop and let them decide whether to continue or not.
If you are not interested in a particular swinging situation with group, or for some reason you decide to change your mind, you have every right to say no, but try not to give an explanation unless completely necessary. Stressing out the reason could hurt them
Safe sex is the best sex. So keep condoms with you on hand and use it always. What ever the activity may be and even if the participants desire to engage in sex without condoms. Else, leave the group immediately.
Drinking in a swinging situation can sometimes decrease inhibitions, but heavy drinking can affect your sexual performance.
Stay away from drugs, as swinger couples do not usually favor them. Of course, to each his own – you might want to ask before deciding on a course of action.
After any swinging session, even if it was not what you'd hoped for or even if very enjoyable, call the couples involved the next day and thank them. This will leave a good impression in their minds, which could help you be invited back and/or referred to friends.
Find Swinger Couple Dating
On first instance, the phrase appears absurd. Why should people who already have a relationship going be interesting in dating as such? Well to make things clear, dating on Internet is a terminology that has come into use for all online matchmaking and partner selection process, be it for singles, couples, adult swingers, or gay lesbian. To be more specific it is known as dating online. To add to this long list of adult personals category we must bring into picture the bisexual or bi-curious women and men as well.
All these state of relationship or sexual orientation play an important role in couples dating for couple sex. When couples indulge in sharing their partners with other couple or single (wife swapping in lifestyle terminology) for sexual gratifications it is known as couple sex and naturally since the advent of Internet the process that brings together such associations is known as adult dating online. Such couples are known as adult swingers and their indulgence with other couples in sex acts is known as swinger sex.
Couples who have a strong relationship going and are firmly committed to each other sometimes indulge in swinging or having couple sex with other couples or singles either straight, gay lesbian or bisexual women and men. That is why in free swinger personals you will find ads of couples seeking women or couples seeking couples etc. There is a strong reason for this. It may happen that sexual gratification may not be possible in a monogamous relationship and hence with full trust and faith and in knowledge of each other couples indulge in sharing sex with others together or alone.
The partners can vary, it can be sex with other couples, or with straight, bisexual, or gay lesbian singles and couples. There can also be group sex orgy where number of persons are involved. Other combinations that are popular are twosome, threesome, and foursome. The preference for a certain combination is quite clearly advertised in online personals ads in swinger site or dating services on Internet.
This kind of couple behavior may seem absurd or unthinkable to many but adult swingers swear by it and often declare their union as stronger after indulging in this lifestyle. But, certainly, this lifestyle is not for problem couples with weak bondage or issues between them, as swinging may give rise to jealousy, mistrust and abject rejection of one’s partner.
Couples dating can be fun and exciting provided lot of things click. If you are a single than you should be careful, so as not get entrapped in any kind of nasty relationship with incompatible couple. This applies to couples too. Best approach is to find out everything before you take the plunge.
All these state of relationship or sexual orientation play an important role in couples dating for couple sex. When couples indulge in sharing their partners with other couple or single (wife swapping in lifestyle terminology) for sexual gratifications it is known as couple sex and naturally since the advent of Internet the process that brings together such associations is known as adult dating online. Such couples are known as adult swingers and their indulgence with other couples in sex acts is known as swinger sex.
Couples who have a strong relationship going and are firmly committed to each other sometimes indulge in swinging or having couple sex with other couples or singles either straight, gay lesbian or bisexual women and men. That is why in free swinger personals you will find ads of couples seeking women or couples seeking couples etc. There is a strong reason for this. It may happen that sexual gratification may not be possible in a monogamous relationship and hence with full trust and faith and in knowledge of each other couples indulge in sharing sex with others together or alone.
The partners can vary, it can be sex with other couples, or with straight, bisexual, or gay lesbian singles and couples. There can also be group sex orgy where number of persons are involved. Other combinations that are popular are twosome, threesome, and foursome. The preference for a certain combination is quite clearly advertised in online personals ads in swinger site or dating services on Internet.
This kind of couple behavior may seem absurd or unthinkable to many but adult swingers swear by it and often declare their union as stronger after indulging in this lifestyle. But, certainly, this lifestyle is not for problem couples with weak bondage or issues between them, as swinging may give rise to jealousy, mistrust and abject rejection of one’s partner.
Couples dating can be fun and exciting provided lot of things click. If you are a single than you should be careful, so as not get entrapped in any kind of nasty relationship with incompatible couple. This applies to couples too. Best approach is to find out everything before you take the plunge.
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